How could I not?

The day we picked up our CCI puppy to raise for the next 18 months, I looked her in the eyes and said Goodbye. I tried desperately not to get attached like a pet. Notice my word choice; tried.

I did pretty good the first five days as she learned to settle into her crate, barking consistently for an hour at a time in the middle of the night, while sleeping during the day under our kitchen table for hours at a time. It wasn't hard not to accept that she was going back. I hardly knew her ~ and I was already exhausted. 

She has been with us for three months of her five months of age. Now we know her. We have taught her everything, and we take full responsibility for any goof ups in training. It is much different raising a Service Dog than a Pet Dog. The list of rules are never ending, and while both Haddie and I are trying hard to follow them to the letter ... there are days when we just can. not. get. in. synch. 

On those days I remind myself that it is just one day out of about 450 days remaining, and I give us both some grace. I think Haddie will continue to grow up and learn, and I will continue to learn to grow. 

What have I learned the most about this puppy raising a future Super Hero? It is a lot of work, but I wouldn't change it for the world. 

I wouldn't change learning about the personality of this puppy that will change a life for her forever family. I wouldn't change learning what it would feel like to have a dog as a skilled companion always by your side. I wouldn't change the number of walks I have taken in my beautiful city and neighborhood just because I have Haddie. I wouldn't change my heightened awareness of my environment when Haddie is out with me; the cleanliness or lack thereof of floors, noises in a shopping mall that we tune out regularly, the smell of wind, raindrops on jackets and puppy vests. I wouldn't change the uncomfortable feeling of everyone staring at us; always feeling judged, and flipping that around to what it might feel like for others with a disability. I wouldn't change the chance to educate others on Service Dogs and our desire to help people with disabilities. I wouldn't even change the not so glamorous side - grooming and cleanups. 

And then I think of Haddie's Graduation day - when she is paired with someone who desperately needs her for independence. To open doors, turn on lights, grab the ringing cell phone. To lay on the floor during a therapy counseling session, or visit the court house for victims to feel confident to speak up while having her by their side. To roll on the floor with a loving child that needs a calm, forever companion. No matter the placement of Haddie - she will make a positive difference. 

When one of those proud moments happen, I can say I knew her - I raised her - I made a difference too. 

Selflessness. I have learned to think out of my own little world in a big way, real fast. In a way only a few community service projects can be equaled to. I will raise this puppy, teach it life skills and etiquette, and then return her back to California for a new life of adventure for the one God calls to be her forever family. A big piece of my heart will stay with Haddie. No matter how much I tried not to get attached. 

Some say, "I could never be a Puppy Raiser." 

I say, "How could I not?"